May 26 – Maybe I was supposed to be naked.

Robert tends to eat constantly. Karoline gets hungry often. Devon is always up for eating. Add those all together and it’s no wonder we’re either eating, or planning where we’re eating next. I realized I was unduly stuffing myself and spending too much money in the process, and have since decided to only eat when I’m hungry. This left me a lot of time to explore the city again, and by myself.

I stationed myself in the plaza with a book and read whilst absent-mindedly shoo-ing away postcard peddlers and shoe-shiners. I showed a couple kids I actually had no money on me and instead of moving on to the next person they sat down and started practicing their English. They called me Paka because my forearms were hairier than the average Perivian. When I told them I was heading to Lima tomorrow they all took turns telling me what horrible things would happen to me. One said I would have my ring finger broken so my ring could be stolen. Another said I would be strangled and robbed while the third kid made a slashing gesture from one side of his neck to the other. The first two nodded in agreement and it was left at that – I was gonna visit Lima and have my neck slit.

I thanked them for the memories and went back to the Royal Frankenstein for my 2pm massage appointment with Marita.

Marita, Ludwig’s sexy girlfriend and the one who let us in so early on our first morning, showed me to the massage room. She motioned for me to put my clothes on a hook by the window, then turned down the lights and closed the door on her way out.

I surveyed the room and aside from there being no blanket to get under everything seemed to be in recognizable order. Standard massage table, oils, lotions, candles… I usually get naked for a massage but the last time I did that I fell asleep and woke up with a boner so now I at least wear boxers. Plus, I never did find a blanket to lie under so I figured the cold would be that much more helpful in keeping me un-aroused by Marita’s touch.

I was lying facedown on the table when Marita returned. She wheeled over a small heat lamp to place over my neck, then she lubed me up. The small bit of warmth on my upper back served to remind the rest of my body of how cold the room was. This was good news in the nad department, but difficult when I was supposed to be relaxing.

She wasn’t a particularly skilled or trained masseuse but the massage felt good nonetheless. She worked whatever area I asked for, which by the end of the hour ended up being my whole back, neck and feet. She finished abruptly but told me to take my time getting up and dressed. As I did, I turned up the lights and noticed the unmistakable stains of erections past. By keeping my undies on I failed to make any sort of physical contact with the crustaceans but I left wondering if I got less than I paid for.

I joined everybody for a big Japanese dinner then went back to our room and packed for our flight tomorrow morning. Devon finished packing before me because he throws his dirty socks and underwear in the trashcan when their ‘done.’ This is probably for the best, except when the trashcan is next to my head all night.

WHN? in Sudamerica - May 2002

Day 0 – Please wake me for meals.
/ Day 1 – Eu como minha propia merda.

Day 2 – Headbangs, Cumstains, and Clogged Shower Drains (aka Devon’s 33nd Birthday)

Day 3 – Banana Pizza – Don’t Knock It ‘Til You’ve Tried It

Day 4 – "Fuck My Ass!" the group of girls in the front row kept chanting.

Day 5 – Doesn’t anybody speak English around here?

Day 9 – I am Yellowman.

Day 10 – I am apparently also an idiot.

Day 11 – A gas station with a bar...Why didn’t I think of that?!

Day 12 – What doesn’t kill you, usually still hurts a lot. (aka Mother’s Day)
/ Day 13 – Touring isn’t so much a question of "Where is my next meal coming from?" as much as "Where/when am I gonna be able to take my next dump?"
Non-band travel

May 14 – Random Acts of Meat.

May 15 – The World’s Most Dangerous Road

May 16 – Another day in paradise

May 17 – They’ve had the same government since we got here!

May 18 – Why are my teeth turning green?

May 19 – Hey dad, I’m in jail!

May 20 – Never Let The Truth Get In The Way Of A Good Story.

May 21 – The sun and the moon, all in one afternoon.

May 22 – The Royal Frankenstein

May 23 – Metal? You call this metal?!?

May 24 – Machu Picchu or Bust (your travel agent over the head).

May 25 – There she is! What do I do?! What do I do?! Nothing, as usual.

May 26 – Maybe I was supposed to be naked.

May 27
– Be aware or be prepared

May 28
– Fried Food Day


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