This guy's hair, jeez! It's fun to just sit and watch Alan mold it into different styles using only his hands and natural hair-grease. It's extra funny sometimes, when it starts getting long and big, it's like his hair has a lag time. Say he turns his head to the left quickly, his hair says, "Alright, hold on. I'll be there in a sec..." The other night one of my co-workers came to see us play. The next day at work she said we were pretty good, even though we didn't have a bass player. I don't know what planet she was visiting while we were playing, but 1) we are never good, and 2) Alan is not easily overlooked. His hair alone demands acknowledgement! We just found it hard to believe that someone could watch us and not notice a geek jumping in an Izod shirt playing really obnoxious bass. 

Living status: destined to end up back with his parents' within a year.
Lost/stolen instruments: one $60 bass, and one really nice bass with a pirate strap.

The heart of Your Mother, Bonnevicci is the real reason we've kept playing all these years. That and the deli trays, of course. But deli trays notwithstanding, Bonne is the lifeforce of the band, which is a bit odd since he is a lost soul and all. His punishment for living a life of decadence and pudding was to spend eternity with a stupid rock band. We feel his pain, since we like pudding too, so we try to make his eternity as pleasurable as possible. We've taken him cliff jumping in Hawaii, mud-bathing in Israel, and even to frat parties in Chico. Don't fuck with the ghost!

Living status: forever migrational. He's a ghost, dammit.
Lost/stolen instruments: one soul.

Brad, AKA (the) Drummer, is well known as a high roller in the food distribution industry. Ever wonder how those pickles got from the pickle plant to the pickle store? Its a complex process, and Brad Roberts knows the whole shebang. While not carefully monitoring which foods are coming from where and going to where, Brad is usually on a plane going to LA, or making dumb pictures of Alan eating poop.

Living status: is thinking about moving out of his parents' house.
Lost/stolen instruments: one snare drum.

And don't forget about Craigums! While his sexy (smelly?) hairdo may be gone, we should probably remember that he doesn't live on his father's couch anymore! Yes, as of this week he found a new place to live. While he has his own bed now, he misses out on the finer things in life, like the 300 inch TV and every Van Halen CD. Craig usually spends his days shelving books and wishing he was in Antarctica. Soon, Craig will be in Antarctica if all goes well.

Living status: just moved off his dad's couch.
Lost/stolen instruments: one yellow guitar and one blue guitar.

Joe has been the New Guy since about 1995, and we haven't been able to find a newer guy to take over his name. When not singing(?) in the YM troupe, Joe can often be found (Often? OK, always) lurking in his garage painting some sort of a vagina head or recording one of his many other bands. Actually, right now I think he might only be in one other band! Amazing! Joe doesn't live at home, but he might as well because his parents still call him up to yell at him for having no money in his bank account.

Living status: doesn't live with his parents', but they do pay his rent.
Lost/stolen instruments: one pink guitar and one amp.

Rumor has it Mikey will be moving out of his parents' house in a few weeks, so I guess we'll have to change his living status to "lives near the zoo" since he's moving dangerously close to the Oakland Zoo. I fear for Mikey, and I fear for the koalas. One time I went to that zoo and I thought it was raining, but it was really just a bunch of monkeys pissing on me. Anyway, back to Mikey. He's got a fancy new Saturn, making him officially the hippest member of the band. His collection of really bad tattoos is also unrivaled (not just in the band, since he's the only tattooed dude, but in the greater bay area too) and much fawned over.

Living status: was thinking about moving out of his parents' house.
Lost/stolen instruments: one black guitar and one dulcimer.

Alex the Flying Poof will swear that he's not part of this band, but in all reality he is the one thread that keeps it together. Many say it is his blinking rainbow headband, or perhaps his closet full of odd costumes. I think it is because he goes to school in the South Bay and lives in the East Bay. Half the band lives in the South Bay, half lives in the East Bay. Make sense? I've noticed that it is the nights that Alex the Flying Poof decides to be a part of the band that we put on a not-sucky show. Let's hear it for the Poof!

Living status: recently moved back in with his parents.
Lost/stolen instruments: he don't need no stinkin' instruments