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guy's hair, jeez! It's fun to just sit and watch Alan mold it
into different styles using only his hands and natural hair-grease.
It's extra funny sometimes, when it starts getting long and
big, it's like his hair has a lag time. Say he turns his head
to the left quickly, his hair says, "Alright, hold on. I'll
be there in a sec..." The other night one of my co-workers came
to see us play. The next day at work she said we were pretty
good, even though we didn't have a bass player. I don't know
what planet she was visiting while we were playing, but 1) we
are never good, and 2) Alan is not easily overlooked. His hair
alone demands acknowledgement! We just found it hard to believe
that someone could watch us and not notice a geek jumping in
an Izod shirt playing really obnoxious bass.
Living status: destined to end up back with his parents'
within a year.
Lost/stolen instruments: one $60 bass, and one really
nice bass with a pirate strap.
heart of Your Mother, Bonnevicci is the real reason we've kept
playing all these years. That and the deli trays, of course.
But deli trays notwithstanding, Bonne is the lifeforce of the
band, which is a bit odd since he is a lost soul and all. His
punishment for living a life of decadence and pudding was to
spend eternity with a stupid rock band. We feel his pain, since
we like pudding too, so we try to make his eternity as pleasurable
as possible. We've taken him cliff jumping in Hawaii, mud-bathing
in Israel, and even to frat parties in Chico. Don't fuck with
Living status: forever migrational. He's a ghost, dammit.
Lost/stolen instruments: one soul.
AKA (the) Drummer, is well known as a high roller in the food
distribution industry. Ever wonder how those pickles got from
the pickle plant to the pickle store? Its a complex process,
and Brad Roberts knows the whole shebang. While not carefully
monitoring which foods are coming from where and going to where,
Brad is usually on a plane going to LA, or making dumb pictures
of Alan eating poop.
Living status: is thinking about moving out of his parents'
Lost/stolen instruments: one snare drum.
don't forget about Craigums! While his sexy (smelly?) hairdo
may be gone, we should probably remember that he doesn't live
on his father's couch anymore! Yes, as of this week he found
a new place to live. While he has his own bed now, he misses
out on the finer things in life, like the 300 inch TV and every
Van Halen CD. Craig usually spends his days shelving books and
wishing he was in Antarctica. Soon, Craig will be in Antarctica
if all goes well.
Living status: just moved off his dad's couch.
Lost/stolen instruments: one yellow guitar and one blue
has been the New Guy since about 1995, and we haven't been able
to find a newer guy to take over his name. When not singing(?)
in the YM troupe, Joe can often be found (Often? OK, always)
lurking in his garage painting some sort of a vagina head or
recording one of his many other bands. Actually, right now I
think he might only be in one other band! Amazing! Joe doesn't
live at home, but he might as well because his parents still
call him up to yell at him for having no money in his bank account.
Living status: doesn't live with his parents', but they
do pay his rent.
Lost/stolen instruments: one pink guitar and one amp.
has it Mikey will be moving out of his parents' house in a few
weeks, so I guess we'll have to change his living status to
"lives near the zoo" since he's moving dangerously close to
the Oakland Zoo. I fear for Mikey, and I fear for the koalas.
One time I went to that zoo and I thought it was raining, but
it was really just a bunch of monkeys pissing on me. Anyway,
back to Mikey. He's got a fancy new Saturn, making him officially
the hippest member of the band. His collection of really bad
tattoos is also unrivaled (not just in the band, since he's
the only tattooed dude, but in the greater bay area too) and
much fawned over.
Living status: was thinking about moving out of his parents'
Lost/stolen instruments: one black guitar and one dulcimer.
the Flying Poof will swear that he's not part of this band,
but in all reality he is the one thread that keeps it together.
Many say it is his blinking rainbow headband, or perhaps his
closet full of odd costumes. I think it is because he goes to
school in the South Bay and lives in the East Bay. Half the
band lives in the South Bay, half lives in the East Bay. Make
sense? I've noticed that it is the nights that Alex the Flying
Poof decides to be a part of the band that we put on a not-sucky
show. Let's hear it for the Poof!
Living status: recently moved back in with his parents.
Lost/stolen instruments: he don't need no stinkin' instruments
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