Howdy,

The concept of the book above stems from the underground punk practice of releasing split records. The way it works, two like-minded bands each record one side of a record and then press enough so that supply outnumbers demand by about 200:1. The unsold records are then typically stored in a closet or garage and collect dust until one day, like the loved but uncared-for babies they are, they are left on the back porch of a record or thrift store.

Fellow punker, Dean Carrico, and I applied that idea to book format by each turning a period of our journals into a solid, cohesive hunk of burning prose. Then we combined them into a 2-for-1 literary juggernaut. Then we published them and stuffed them into our closets alongside boxes of our bands' records quequed up for the thrift store.

Dean's half of the book is called Mad Cows Indeed. It exploits his student exchange time in Britain. Parental Advisory: contains strong language, alleged sexual content and excessive alcohol references.

My half, Naked Shackelton, is about my trip to Antarctica in January of 2000. It goes into great detail about my personal lameness with the opposite sex, as well as my family's rich obsession with all things scatological. Oh, I also talk about penguins and ice and stuff.

The books are: $10ppd/$14world. Contact me if you're interested. Thanks.

xoxo
Craig Billmeier

Below are links to text and MP3s of my trip to Antarctica. It is an unproofed version of the book. In an effort to make it not-as-boring I read my journal aloud, particularly fast, and with little regard for slurs, tripped-up words, or emotional timing. The text pages also have lots of pictures to prove just how much I exaggerate. But don't let this discourage you from buying the book. My closet will thank you. Photos by Jaime, Bob, Robert or me.

January 12, 2000.mp3 - setting the tone with boring accounts of what I read in the airport gift shops, who I annoyed on the plane, and a few reasons why I didn't leave poop in a barfbag underneath the seat of some unruly children. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 13.mp3 - smoothing through customs only to find my liaisons in Buenos Airies - my hosts for the next 4 days - not waiting for me. Learned Spanish real fast through traditional methods like getting taken advantage of and being ridiculed (in some cases by the same person!). We meet the first of many people who save my life on this trip, Lukas. Then we meet the second, Patricia, shortly before making phone contact with the third, Emilio. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 14.mp3 - learn more Spanish by people bent on only teaching words not typically found in Lonely Planet phrasebooks. Start to figure out the difference between bitches/beaches, weiners/winners, and plantones/pantalones, giving all my previous Spanglish conversations new meaning. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 15.mp3 - fame, food, nice toilet paper and lots of men kissing men in the city of La Plata. Meet up with an old friend named Nacho who many years ago drove his car - with us in it - into a 12ft-tall pickup truck. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 16.mp3 - the Ramones are as big as the Rolling Stones in Argentina, did you know that? Watched some rockumentaries with another weary traveler who imparts wisdom and theories on lonliness over some cheap pizza. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 17.mp3 - locked in the courtyard of the house I was crashing while everyone was at work, leaving me nothing to do but sunburn. Finally escape and find my hotel where I am a bull in a china shop. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 18.mp3 - further evidence of my ability to get lost even in a round room. Go for a ride on a horse named Dog. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 19.mp3 - forgoe an invitation to consort sexually with the guys from Grumpy Old Men. Meet the rest of the cast of characters from my Antarctic exploration, including lots of old people, people who can't follow a single file line, and two guys named Bob and Robert, both with mustaches. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 20.mp3 - facing my biggest fear - water. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 21.mp3 - broken doors, naked cavorting, and a strange man's motives become clear - he will surely kill us all by trip's end. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 22.mp3 - facing my second biggest fear - girls. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 23.mp3 - bestest zodiac team ever! Ponder new issues brought on by our new experiences - if one pulls their pants down in Antarctica, aren't they really pulling them up? New slogan for our eldery co-passengers - Incontinent On Seven Continents. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 24.mp3 - swimming on Mars with a naked Japanese man. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 25.mp3 - meet the ghost of a woman who died on our ship. Get frostbite. Reap the benefits of inter-culture mingling by way of sour, pungent fruits. Read text and look at pretty pictures...

January 26.mp3 - a final attempt at love on the high seas. Take photos for new website: Gayporn@CapeHorn.com Read text and look at not-so-pretty pictures...

January 27.mp3 - the finale. See where being a nice guy gets you. Read text and look at pretty pictures...